


burning world

by 400typesof_aloevera



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Gen, Nonbinary Character, One Shot, POV Azula (Avatar), Sexism, Trans Azula, im nonbinary and i kin azula so i made this, there is (1) mention of zukka, unsafe binding, yet again im projecting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:07:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28421442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/400typesof_aloevera/pseuds/400typesof_aloevera
Summary: tidbits of Azula's life from their perspective, as they grow up, bleed, cry, loose a war, and deal with their gender identity.---A what-if fic about what it would be like if Azula was nonbinary, written by me, a nonbinary person.
Relationships: implied Azula/Ty Lee (Avatar), minor Sokka/Zuko (Avatar) - Relationship
Comments: 5
Kudos: 50





	burning world

**Author's Note:**

> Since this fic is from Azula's perspective, I use different gender pronouns depending on how Azula perceives themself at the time.

At the beginning her brother’s banishment is a blessing. After that fateful Agni Kai she lets out a sigh of relief in her bedchambers, repressing any shame from feeling that.

She is the heir. Azula looks at herself in the mirror, she is 11 and she is no longer a _princess_ , some girl who will be wed to the highest bidder for political power, she is the heir. She is the future Fire Lord.

The relief is many things. She sees how Zhao looks at her when they cross paths. It’s predatory. He steals glances at her newly formed breasts until she binds them in tight fabric. How she wishes to burn him. She will one day. Azula is patient, and she can wait.

Azula’s thoughts swirl and she feels wrong in her very core, but she pushes it down. Her father regards her fire, burning blue, with the look of a predator, although not the same as Zhao. He does not look at her as she throws herself into politics and war strategy and state affairs, because that was for Zuko and she is still not Zuko. But he doesn’t want Zuko.

_He wants a male heir._

Her chest aches from hours of it tightly bound. The royal healers look at her with such fervent curiosity, because this is no training exercise. Some assume abuse, and so they stop looking.

Azula cannot be a man, nor does she want to be. 

It’s not like she wants to be a girl either.

But it’s not her choice.

\---

There’s something unspoken between her and Ty Lee.

The acrobat is the only one to see her cry, the only one that Azula would dare let herself cry in front of.

Azula does not have many reasons to cry. Her bleeding is one of them. She pictures summoning fire and burning it out, and allows herself to relish in it for a few moments. But it can never happen.

Ty Lee holds her and says that you get used to it. There is an alienation in these words.

Ty Lee does not understand this.

\---

Her father tasks her with bringing her brother and uncle home. It will be interesting to see them after such a long time.

She runs through her katas and stances as her chest aches, now only a dull background noise. Fire comes from the breath and the irony isn’t lost on her on how she willingly restricts her breathing for something as foolish as flattening her chest. It isn’t all that foolish to her.

Li and Lo call her a princess and she wishes to burn.

But if there's one thing her father taught her it’s self restraint. To hide her motives. 

There will come a day when she can reveal them.

\---

She wants to burn the palace to the ground. She wants to burn herself to the ground. 

Zuzu and his worship of their father, she can’t confide in him.

Lightning hits her as she lays in bed wanting to scream, to envelop it all with fire and let herself burn. To turn to ash.

\---

She is not a girl. She is not a boy, although it would be easier for her to be one. She doesn’t know what she is. She is not the heir. She is just a silly princess playing soldier until a suitor comes along. 

Everything is wrong.

\---

Zuko is gone. Not like it was surprising. But the palace grows colder, and the new heir is alone.

Being a crown princess does not calm them.

\---

Ty Lee and Mai betray them. Their father sneers at the treachery of it all, and they want to burn. Who is there now? Zuko turned from a father-pleaser to suddenly growing a conscience, Ty Lee, _Ty Lee,_ betraying them. 

They don’t know what this feeling is. It’s a stab to the heart, the feeling of lighting running through them. The princess is sick for a day, due to overtraining. Servants are ordered not to bother her. But the current heir to the throne is not ill due to exhaustion. 

It’s heartbreak.

And being the heir does not calm them.

\---

This will not break her. _This will not break them._ She is the crown princess, any other thought is an indulgence, a delusion. It is a life she can never act on. Azula is not a freak. She is the crown princess, a 14 year old _girl_ (agni that word feels so wrong), who staged a bloodless coup in the impenetrable city of Ba Sing Se, who brought down the Avatar.

The world still burns.

\---

She is so alone. She is the Fire Lord and it means _NOTHING,_ it’s a consolation trophy. She lets her hair down, and the throne room burns blue and it means nothing. It’s empty and cold.

There is _NOTHING_. 

They realize that they will be waiting a lifetime, for whatever she keeps thinking she just has to be patient to get. She isn’t sure what it is she’s waiting for anymore

Their hands shake as she does her hair in the mirror, there is still something, _somewhere._ Everything hurts, her heart screams and her ribs ache as she mutters a mantra in her head. She is the Fire Lord. If she says it enough it will mean something.

She looks at the face in the mirror, and a smile forces herself to have fades away. The world burns, her head burns, she wants to scream as she rips the hair tie from her head. She hacks away at her bangs, she hates her hair, they hate it.

_What a shame._

All that's left is a shattered mirror and a broken child.

\---

The crown is cold on her head, for the brief second it brushes against her skull.

There is one thing on their mind. Winning the Agni Kai, although doubt tugs at their head of why they even care.

In the end they finally scream, fire spilling out from her guts, writhing around hopelessly. There is nothing left, and her world burns.

\---

Zuko visits them, and talks about his life. He talks about how it is to be Fire Lord, how his band of friends is doing. He talks about something that surprises them. He’s repealed the law that criminalized same-sex relationships. He has a boyfriend, Sokka, that water tribe boy with the boomerang. He looks to them for a response.

He wants a response.

Azula has not spoken in months. Their voice is hollow, hoarse from disuse. They open their mouth.

“I am not a girl.” 

It’s so quiet Zuko does not hear. He leans in. Tears sting as they fall down their face.

“I am not a girl.” 

The world slows down, with the admittance of something just barely admitted to themself. And Zuko hugs them.

“It’s ok.” He says, his voice low and quiet.

The world is warm again, and it no longer burns.


End file.
